“Talk Less, Smile More. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for” Aaron Burr in the Broadway musical Hamilton. https://youtu.be/DYzQW6hbf6c
I’m afraid I’m guilty of this more than I’d like to admit. Someone said to me one day, “ As doulas we’re chameleons. We adapt ourselves to the people around us.” As a birth doula (professional birth coach), it’s a very helpful skill. I’m sensitive, intuitive and empathetic. I am able to adjust my energy and focus, based on the needs of not only the birthing mom, but also to help balance the other people in the room. However, oftentimes, it becomes easy to be a chameleon in my everyday life as well. As a wife and mother I find myself constantly adjusting to the needs, desires and moods of the people around me, and sometimes, I forget to adjust for myself. Is this something that resonates with you?
As the firstborn of a very large family, I quickly came to the conclusion (right or wrong) that my needs or desires were less important than those of the rest of the family. I determined to not need or want as much (time, attention, stuff), so that I wouldn’t be taking resources from the other kids.
As you can imagine, things could also often be loud and chaotic and I strove to do all I could to bring peace and order when and where I could. I didn’t speak up for my needs or desires, nor would I have known how to; instead I became a very independent, self sufficient person. I tended to my physical wants by working, first as a kick ass babysitter, and later as a cashier at Ace Hardware and I believed my emotional needs were met by meeting other’s emotional needs.
In the past years, I’ve been yearning more and more to allow myself to speak my truths more intentionally and with less concern of what others think of me. I admit it’s been a slow process, but I am getting there. I am learning that seasoned with Grace and Love, I can speak truth and feel proud of speaking what I think and believe is true, without feeling like I’m being a jerk. I know I still have a ways to go and maybe even need to care less if people do think I’m a jerk, but I am taking more deliberate steps to state what I need and what my opinions are.
This blog, along with encouraging others to remember People Are More Important, is one really large step in finding and expressing my voice to speak truths for myself and to others. In doing this, I’m acknowledging that I too am “People” and therefore,I (and my voice) also are Important.
What steps are you taking to find your voice?
