I took another trip away. This one was more spontaneous. I was at my emotional limit and just needed to escape. My therapist reframed it as not running away but as a reset. I made the decision and reservations on a Tuesday and left on Friday. It's amazing, how just making the decision to step away dropped my anxiety levels by half. Knowing there was a break ahead made it easier to continue doing what I needed to do.
It may seem frivolous to some, this jumping on a plane to go to the coast, and I admit I am fortunate to have the resources that enable me to do so. But these trips are not generally full of fun and frivolity. They are instead times of mental and emotional wrestling with myself and with God. They are opportunities to step outside of my immediate responsibilities and the constant reminders of Terry, to find clarity and emotional balance once more. I cry, I yell, I stare at the waves for hours, I write, I read, I Breathe.
I don't always find profound answers to my questions and laments, but I do find little nuggets of encouragement and peace to keep on moving forward. I think everyone needs to find their own ways to reset and find their center. For myself, there's something about the rhythm of the waves that helps my soul find its own rhythm again. The inhale and exhale of the ocean air slows down my nervous system and the variations of how the water moves lends itself to so many metaphors about life and grief. I know Terry would have escaped to a cabin in the woods. For others, they find refuge in physical activity or music. No matter what the avenue is, I encourage you all to find your thing that helps you re-center, re-focus, and continue living the life you were meant to live.
